it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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