I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So squirting runs in the family.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
