The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
