Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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