life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
