I hate your face
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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