I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Randomize
