Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize