the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
