I wish I could punch you in the face.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
