Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
it's like iHOP with fire
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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