If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
