Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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