Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
