i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
