They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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