The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We got so high we made milksteak
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
