Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
