ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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