Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize