if you like me you must not know who I am
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
