Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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