i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize