I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
