i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
