My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize