i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
