Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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