i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
