I looked at my own cervix.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
