chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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