what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
