ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
