I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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