I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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