All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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