I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
