you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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