drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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