i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
