if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
