I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
