I just pynch a tree in the face
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
