I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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