Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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