Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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