Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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