Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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