I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
