He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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