my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
