I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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