Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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