I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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