you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize