saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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