I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
