He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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