Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize