we made out on top of his cat.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
