at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
