when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
