i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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