Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
