I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
