Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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