she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
