your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
