wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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