Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
