even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
