Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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