Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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