So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
