You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
