You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
