yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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