dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
