Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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