i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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