I have demons in me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
