Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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