I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The adults are the big ones right?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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