nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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