so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
