i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
what day is it and did you see me today?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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