piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize