you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My ass is underappreciated
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
