Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
