Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
