It was confusing and full of hummus
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
