I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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