Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
